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Post by Oldish Hippy on Jan 10, 2014 8:19:34 GMT
it's not who you know it's whom you know it's not wether you can fix it but whom has the knowledge can fixit
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Post by n brown on Jan 10, 2014 9:52:51 GMT
the German word for a man who sits to pee is a ''SITZPINKLER''-there's a thought
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Post by robmac on Jan 10, 2014 10:20:20 GMT
the German word for a man who sits to pee is a ''SITZPINKLER''-there's a thought Yes and the opposite is "Floorensprinkler". Although I might have made that up.
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Post by n brown on Jan 10, 2014 10:42:09 GMT
the german for x-ray machine is INSIDENLOOKENPEEPER,the technician is of course the INSIDENLOOKENPEEPERKEEPER
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Post by edina on Jan 18, 2014 19:46:08 GMT
Regular naps prevent old age..... especially if you take them while driving.
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Post by edina on Jan 31, 2014 8:24:12 GMT
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Post by Pollik on Jan 31, 2014 10:15:55 GMT
the german for x-ray machine is INSIDENLOOKENPEEPER,the technician is of course the INSIDENLOOKENPEEPERKEEPER And if found napping on the job INSIDENLOOKENPEEPERKEEPERSLEEPER If it then sounds an alarm INSIDENLOOKENPEEPERKEEPERSLEEPERBEEPER And causes a death INSIDENLOOKENPEEPERKEEPERSLEEPERBEEPERREAPER And the mourners are INSIDENLOOKENPEEPERKEEPERSLEEPERBEEPERREAPERWEEPER
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Post by n brown on Jan 31, 2014 10:24:57 GMT
you'll soon be fluent Fraulein !
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Post by edina on Feb 13, 2014 20:37:14 GMT
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Post by edina on Feb 18, 2014 16:14:37 GMT
If you are a Grandparent and suffer from tension and headaches, do what it says on the Aspirin bottle:-
“Take two and keep away from children”
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Post by edina on Feb 23, 2014 19:12:12 GMT
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Post by edina on Mar 1, 2014 9:41:38 GMT
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Post by edina on Mar 2, 2014 6:01:45 GMT
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Post by Pollik on Mar 5, 2014 10:30:20 GMT
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Post by edina on Mar 6, 2014 5:20:37 GMT
... If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal. ... A whale swims all day, mainly eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat. ... A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while ... A tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years. And they tell me to exercise? I don't think so.
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Post by edina on Mar 6, 2014 8:54:26 GMT
Kids in the back seat cause accidents. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
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Post by Heisenberg on Mar 6, 2014 11:40:17 GMT
Kids in the back seat cause accidents. Accidents in the back seat cause kids. Small children can choke on boiled sweets, other good objects to try are marbles and gobstoppers.
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Post by edina on Mar 8, 2014 6:38:02 GMT
These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter .. . . I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what am I "here after".
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Post by Is it spring yet, dormouse? on Mar 8, 2014 8:39:09 GMT
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ozzy1955
Novice Camper
Posts: 27
Likes: 26
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Post by ozzy1955 on Mar 8, 2014 18:47:34 GMT
Never a more truthful few words spoken, my last 12 years prove that,lost my darling wife now getting married again after meeting another wonderful understanding woman,never thought this would happen, live life to the full my friends.
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Post by edina on Mar 10, 2014 12:55:25 GMT
Some days, you're the top dog; some days you're the lampost.
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Post by edina on Mar 13, 2014 6:00:04 GMT
"And on the eighth day God said, 'Okay, Murphy, you're in charge!'"
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Post by edina on Mar 17, 2014 5:09:08 GMT
Blessed are the cracked; for it is they who let in the light.
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Post by edina on Mar 18, 2014 17:43:05 GMT
“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt"
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Post by edina on Mar 24, 2014 6:19:32 GMT
Now that I'm older,
Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
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Post by edina on Mar 27, 2014 6:32:46 GMT
I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
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Post by edina on Apr 9, 2014 16:58:04 GMT
Keep smiling – it makes people wonder what the hell you’re up to!
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Post by robmac on Apr 19, 2014 12:05:53 GMT
Zen Teachings;
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, for the path is narrow. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.
2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.
3. No one is listening until you pass wind.
4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
7. Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
10. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.
11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.
13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
14. Good judgement comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgement.
15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.
17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our arse - then things just keep getting worse.
20. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
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Post by edina on May 22, 2014 5:32:28 GMT
Quote: “I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy”
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Post by edina on May 23, 2014 5:02:18 GMT
Make sure that when you grow old, you have memories, not regrets.
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