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Post by edina on Sept 18, 2014 18:56:50 GMT
Julie made me give you a like Chris! Thanks Julie!!
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Post by edina on Oct 4, 2014 20:32:28 GMT
Husband takes his wife to a disco.
There's a guy on the dance floor giving it large - break dancing, moon-walking, back flips, the works.
The wife turns to her husband and says:
"See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
Husband says:
“Looks like he's still f**kin' celebrating!!!”.......
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Post by edina on Oct 6, 2014 5:42:29 GMT
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Post by edina on Oct 8, 2014 4:48:01 GMT
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Post by edina on Oct 9, 2014 8:05:20 GMT
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Post by edina on Oct 23, 2014 10:36:24 GMT
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Post by edina on Oct 25, 2014 16:20:21 GMT
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Post by edina on Oct 30, 2014 18:41:00 GMT
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Post by n brown on Oct 30, 2014 20:03:17 GMT
i'm sticking sequins all over my VW- i always wanted a camper van
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Post by edina on Nov 2, 2014 18:25:22 GMT
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Post by edina on Nov 3, 2014 6:02:02 GMT
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Post by edina on Nov 4, 2014 8:17:50 GMT
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Post by edina on Nov 19, 2014 8:32:32 GMT
As you may know, I have been having trouble with my knee but I am now pleased to report that my knee operation was a great success!!
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Post by edina on Nov 19, 2014 9:27:32 GMT
It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of an Irish pub.
An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water.
A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.
'Fishing,' replied the old man.
'Poor old fool' thought the gentleman, so he invited the old man to have a drink in the pub.
Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, the gentleman asked,
‘And how many have you caught?'
'You're the eighth.'
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Post by penny13 on Nov 19, 2014 11:55:11 GMT
As you may know, I have been having trouble with my knee but I am now pleased to report that my knee operation was a great success!! </div> No that bit us not on my map please explain Chris
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Post by edina on Nov 22, 2014 7:08:01 GMT
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs of me wife !"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night !
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of The night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John !" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John 's drinking buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, " John won the prize the other night at The pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep".
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Post by Firefox on Nov 26, 2014 18:28:22 GMT
A starving asylum seeker is greeted at Dover by a good fairy who grants him 3 wishes.
The asylum seeker says "I'm hungry." (POW) A huge banquet appears...
He then says "Now I want a nice house." (POW) A big mansion with a swimming pool appears...
He then says "I want to be British." (POW) Everything vanishes!
"Where has everything gone?" he asks. The fairy says, "You're British now, mate. You're entitled to fuck all!"
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Post by n brown on Nov 28, 2014 18:07:21 GMT
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Post by NeilyG on Nov 28, 2014 18:31:22 GMT
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Post by Firefox on Dec 1, 2014 16:29:03 GMT
Guy goes to the doctor with a bright orange dick to see if anything can be done.
Doctor gets him to drop his pants and sure enough the guy's member is bright orange.
"I've never seen anything like that before," admits the doctor. Does it hurt at all?
"Nope," says the man. "It feels fine."
"Do you think it is something you've come into contact with," replies the doctor. "at Work, maybe?"
"I don't work," says the man.
"Well, what do you do with your time?" asks the doctor.
"Not much," replies the man. "I often just sit around watching porn all day, eating cheesy wotsits...."
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Post by Firefox on Dec 1, 2014 17:57:17 GMT
New definitions of words (Courtesy of Rubber Tramp from a Radio 4 show)
Egalitarian - Someone whose diet consists mainly of birds of prey.
Acoustic - Scottish cattle prod.
Intent - Yorkshire camping.
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Post by Firefox on Dec 3, 2014 18:07:19 GMT
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Post by n brown on Dec 3, 2014 18:29:04 GMT
i just love her earnest ,but undeniably, moronic face when she makes these profound statements. that iq number seems a bit high,could the numbers have become transposed ?
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Post by Firefox on Dec 3, 2014 19:09:00 GMT
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Post by edina on Dec 17, 2014 18:17:10 GMT
Is this what is known as "scaring the s**t out of someone"?
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Post by Lee & Linda on Dec 17, 2014 18:35:35 GMT
Is this what is known as "scaring the s**t out of someone"? The question is were they all full of punters? and did it knock all of them over.
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Post by edina on Dec 18, 2014 6:45:04 GMT
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Post by edina on Dec 18, 2014 7:17:00 GMT
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Post by edina on Dec 18, 2014 16:45:36 GMT
A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street, when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him.
'Nice bike,' the cop said. 'Did Santa bring it to you?'
'Yes Sir,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'
The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a £5 ticket for a safety violation.
The cop said, 'Give this to your Dad, and next year, tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it!'
The young girl looked up at the cop and said, 'Nice horse you've got there Sir. Did Santa bring it to you?'
Playing along with the girl, he chuckled and answered, 'Yes, he sure did!'
The little girl looked up at the cop and said:
'Next year tell Santa; The dick goes underneath the horse, not on top'!!!
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Post by edina on Dec 19, 2014 6:25:52 GMT
A poem for crimbo:- If you see a fat man, who's jolly and cute, Wearing a beard and a red flannel suit, And if he is chuckling and laughing away, While flying around in a miniature sleigh, With eight tiny reindeer to pull him along, Then let's face it... You're probably drunk!
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