|
Post by edina on Jan 11, 2014 6:11:43 GMT
I think it would be useful to give Rob a few "pointers" to ease him into retirement, so here are a few from me:-
Clothing – you seem to have the right idea already just remember, roomy and comfortable, forget modern and fashionable. For colours you should be thinking beige and grey and for underwear, forget thongs and think Bridget Jones and good strong under wiring.
Attitude – Grumpy is the thing you must aim for here, moaning comes naturally to some people, but others need to work at it; below are a few topics to practise on:
The size of Wagon Wheel biscuits
The price of beer/petrol/fags
The age of policemen/women
This modern stuff they call music
These are just a few starters and don’t forget that when in conversation, it helps to throw in a few “when I were a lad” and “in the old days” to give the right impression.
If you need a role model there are plenty on WC to choose from.
Driving – For this you must get a pair of driving gloves, those perforated leather ones for preference and of course a flat cap in muted tweed colours. The main thing to remember is that the middle lane is yours and that you’ll get more mpg if you stick to 50mph; also remember you have been driving for ?? years and know far more about it than other drivers.
|
|
|
Post by robmac on Jan 11, 2014 8:00:08 GMT
Thanks Chris, I never realised this retirement lark was going to be such hard work. Julie reckons I'm a natural at some of the points you mention, especially the grumpiness, so I think I've got that one nailed.
Underwear, well as you all know I've been experimenting recently, but I think the less said about that the better and I will take your advice.
Driving - I'm trying to adopt a more noticeable shaking of the head and muttering under my breath. Good advice about the middle lane though. Also - should I now start polishing my car and van at least once a week?
Any more advice, gratefully received, not that some of you younger whippersnappers know anything about life.
|
|
|
Post by robmac on Jan 11, 2014 8:26:17 GMT
One thing that concerns me Chris. I have my radio permanently tuned in to Radio 2 at the moment. Now, when I was a kid, this was the station of choice for old buffers, (Remember 'Sing something simple' and the Mike Sammes singers?). These days though, I'm thinking it is just a bit too 'moderne'. What Station do you listen to?
|
|
|
Post by n brown on Jan 11, 2014 8:32:25 GMT
you have to learn to ''TUT'' convincingly. when I was a long haired young lout I once walked through Eastbourne pleasure gardens..as I walked I could hear this noise,like quiet applause,it was then I noticed dozens of old folk lined up on benches,all glaring balefully at me and tutting ! I got my mate and we tried walking fast,nice crescendo effect,holding hands,that increased the volume ! coming from opposite directions and meeting in the middle for a finale ! who needed telly ?
|
|
|
Post by robmac on Jan 11, 2014 8:41:13 GMT
My 'Tutting' isn't too bad Nigel. One thing I have just noticed though, in my previous post, I referred to the Mike Sammes singers and Sing Something Simple, it should have been the Cliff Adams singers. This proves that me memory is going, and I am indeed ready for retirement.
Or should I google the hell out of Mike Sammes just to prove that in some small way I must be right. That is an 'old gits' trait I've picked up from another forum.
Also of course you have to make out that you 'knew this' and hadn't resorted to Google.
|
|
|
Post by edina on Jan 11, 2014 8:43:08 GMT
One thing that concerns me Chris. I have my radio permanently tuned in to Radio 2 at the moment. Now, when I was a kid, this was the station of choice for old buffers, (Remember 'Sing something simple' and the Mike Sammes singers?). These days though, I'm thinking it is just a bit too 'moderne'. What Station do you listen to? That's a dodgy one - I'm currently listening to "Sounds of the Sixties" on radio2, but if it makes you feel more comfortable radio 4 xtra has Hancocks half hour and The Navy Lark. Another thing I should mention is that being retired can cause jealousy in others, particularly the Welsh for some reason. I find it useful to point out that retirees do not get holidays and often tell them that I'm on a gap year as that doesn't sound so cruel.
|
|
|
Post by robmac on Jan 11, 2014 8:50:14 GMT
Oh dear, this is all very confusing.
Which is a good sign.
|
|
|
Post by Etienne Le Croq on Jan 11, 2014 8:57:06 GMT
Radio 2 is cool! Doesn't matter if your an old codger or not.
|
|
|
Post by Is it spring yet, dormouse? on Jan 11, 2014 9:44:06 GMT
Retirement will not be cheap!
It's compulsory to purchase lots of gadgets from those shopping magazines included with the newspapers.
Things like foot comforters, i.e. the "big slipper", to go with your Harold Steptoe onesie (de riguer, sir!).
The slipper makes it impossible for you to stand up and walk anywhere without falling over. Just in case you do yourself an injury whilst keeping your feet warm, Julie will have to start bringing your refreshments over to you rather than fetching them yourself.
Also, if you have any house repairs, you'll be able to send for young whippersnappers to fix things like guttering. I hear some of those young Welsh lads are very good at it and are used to nagging wives so will take even more pressure off of you.
You can just relax and have a weekly sing-a-long of a Sunday with old recordings of Swannee River from the Light Programme.
|
|
|
Post by n brown on Jan 11, 2014 15:18:37 GMT
there's a certain look you need to work on a bit mate if you want to have that air of portentous gravitas that some of us older and wiser gentlemen carry off so well. first of all,no offence,but you're a bit skinny-lets face it,nobody respects a stick insect ! have you given any thought to taking up serious beer drinking for a hobby ? it's done wonders for my waistline,and even certain welsh NON-retirees swear by it ! another thing is the hair .there's a very good hair loss cream on the market which could add years to your looks overnight. I recommend using this regularly. have a good read of the reviews by all the satisfied customers-if you've read them before,tell your friends about it ! www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/B000KKNQBK/ref=sr_cr_hist_all?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1
|
|
|
Post by robmac on Jan 11, 2014 15:34:18 GMT
there's a certain look you need to work on a bit mate if you want to have that air of portentous gravitas that some of us older and wiser gentlemen carry off so well. first of all,no offence,but you're a bit skinny-lets face it,nobody respects a stick insect ! have you given any thought to taking up serious beer drinking for a hobby ? it's done wonders for my waistline,and even certain welsh NON-retirees swear by it ! another thing is the hair .there's a very good hair loss cream on the market which could add years to your looks overnight. I recommend using this regularly. have a good read of the reviews by all the satisfied customers-if you've read them before,tell your friends about it ! www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/B000KKNQBK/ref=sr_cr_hist_all?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1I must admit Nigel, I thought my sylph like physique and boyish good looks may be a problem, not to mention the platinum highlighted thatch. Beerdrinking, well could be an option, I have put in some practice and I think I'm getting the hang of it, but I've some way to go before I can boast the wobbling mass that certain people are so proud of it. I'll work on it. That Veet stuff though, just seems too damn dangerous.
|
|
|
Post by Firefox on Jan 11, 2014 15:44:41 GMT
Beige is definitely the colour of choice. My dad has been retired 25 years and he wears it all the time. Other options light grey or light green but beige is the real winner.
He listens to Radio 4 and 5 live so some choices there.
Also choice of internet forum. Joining a forum where they constantly moan and grump about the good old days could make all the difference!
|
|
|
Post by robmac on Jan 11, 2014 15:53:37 GMT
......................................Also choice of internet forum. Joining a forum where they constantly moan and grump about the good old days could make all the difference! Way ahead of ya Vern!
|
|
|
Post by francophile1947 on Jan 11, 2014 16:54:19 GMT
|
|
|
Post by lotusanne on Jan 11, 2014 17:05:51 GMT
Cant wait to see you next Rob, have got mental picture of you in your new elastic waisted drip dry permanent crease elastic waisted slacks - beige obviously, hair in a neat back and sides and grumpy look on your face as you constantly tut in the direction of anyone younger!
|
|
|
Post by daisymini on Jan 11, 2014 17:46:44 GMT
Cant wait to see you next Rob, have got mental picture of you in your new elastic waisted drip dry permanent crease elastic waisted slacks - beige obviously, hair in a neat back and sides and grumpy look on your face as you constantly tut in the direction of anyone younger! Were the preverbial trousers called "falmers stay press?" and Rob there is no such thing as growing old gracefully..wildcampers can only do it disgracefgully...!!
|
|
|
Post by robmac on Jan 11, 2014 20:07:46 GMT
Cant wait to see you next Rob, have got mental picture of you in your new elastic waisted drip dry permanent crease elastic waisted slacks - beige obviously, hair in a neat back and sides and grumpy look on your face as you constantly tut in the direction of anyone younger! Were the preverbial trousers called "falmers stay press?" and Rob there is no such thing as growing old gracefully..wildcampers can only do it disgracefgully...!! I used to wear Levis Sta prest when I was a kid Sue. Have I gone full circle?
|
|
|
Post by francophile1947 on Jan 11, 2014 20:33:16 GMT
I used to wear Levis Sta prest when I was a kid Sue. Have I gone full circle? Maybe Rob - do you need to use nappies again?
|
|
|
Post by n brown on Jan 13, 2014 15:56:30 GMT
|
|
|
Post by robmac on Jan 13, 2014 16:12:19 GMT
That's more one for Vernon!
I've never been a fan of Swiss Army Knives, or multi-tools come to that. Proper knife, axe, or chainsaw please.
Cue Charlie.
|
|
|
Post by Firefox on Jan 13, 2014 16:39:49 GMT
The best camera is the one you have on your person for the moment, so they say Hence no good for me... too bulky for pocket... ditto the chainsaw!
|
|
|
Post by robmac on Jan 13, 2014 16:45:54 GMT
The best camera is the one you have on your person for the moment, so they say Hence no good for me... too bulky for pocket... ditto the chainsaw! Yep. I couldn't really carry my knife day to day. I am allowed it in my backpack when camping though. I do carry a small folding knife with a stanley type blade when I am working though. (not any more though Haydn, oh, didn't I tell you?)
|
|
|
Post by Lee & Linda on Jan 13, 2014 22:15:23 GMT
I'm not sure you're quite ready for this retirement lark it sounds like you're still working to hard trying to retire. Just remember you've got loads of time to do all those jobs. So one at a time or you'll just get confused then irritated and then you'll be off to the doctors, oh that's what it's all about I nearly forgot.
|
|
|
Post by robmac on Jan 31, 2014 23:13:09 GMT
there's a certain look you need to work on a bit mate if you want to have that air of portentous gravitas that some of us older and wiser gentlemen carry off so well. first of all,no offence,but you're a bit skinny-lets face it,nobody respects a stick insect ! have you given any thought to taking up serious beer drinking for a hobby ? it's done wonders for my waistline,and even certain welsh NON-retirees swear by it ! another thing is the hair .there's a very good hair loss cream on the market which could add years to your looks overnight. I recommend using this regularly. have a good read of the reviews by all the satisfied customers-if you've read them before,tell your friends about it ! www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/B000KKNQBK/ref=sr_cr_hist_all?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1Whaddya mean Stick insect?? (was that a suitably long reaction time?).
|
|