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Post by Firefox on Feb 26, 2015 13:25:11 GMT
As some of you may know wvw's mum passed away recently. The funeral is tomorrow
If you have the time, light a candle tonight to create a chain of lights across the country to send her off in peace.
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Post by campervanannie on Feb 26, 2015 14:10:15 GMT
I'll light one here in Yorkshire. 10pm good time.
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Post by NeilyG on Feb 26, 2015 14:25:12 GMT
She's stooped by with us at home at the moment. She's ok - had her ups & downs but we watched a funny movie last night ('Paul') and had a good laugh. Don't know if she will be at the Bothy next week - taking a day at a time.
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Post by Firefox on Feb 26, 2015 14:49:26 GMT
Post in the thread when you light your candle. I'm aiming to have mine going from about 10 tonight till 2am tomorrow
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Post by penny13 on Feb 26, 2015 19:28:36 GMT
Pot holder made by Jess
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Post by Rubbertramp on Feb 26, 2015 20:15:58 GMT
Saddened to hear of your loss Jess x
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Post by robmac on Feb 26, 2015 20:47:12 GMT
Just lit mine on garden table.
Sorry to hear this Jess.
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Post by seanrua on Feb 26, 2015 20:59:45 GMT
Sad news. RIP.
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Post by Firefox on Feb 26, 2015 22:35:00 GMT
Have two candles lit now, one in lounge, one in the garden.
Mr and Mrs Basildog here too. Thinking of you and your mum tonight @wvw x
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Post by stonedaddy on Feb 26, 2015 22:38:25 GMT
I ain't got a candle but I will think of Jess when you all light yours. Sorry to hear your loss Jess. Marie and Neil keep her happy for me. RIP Jess's Mum. .... Tom ....
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Post by billieblue on Feb 26, 2015 22:57:43 GMT
Sorry to hear of your loss Jess. Thinking of you xxx
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Post by millie on Feb 26, 2015 23:16:50 GMT
A Guardian Angel to help you through this sad time Jess and look after your Mum on her journey. x Attachment Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2015 0:10:01 GMT
Thank you all so so much, this is a great comfort to me at a terrible time.
The funeral was today, I wasn't able to go as I'm not well enough. My family and I are "estranged" and its been awful as I've been pushed away by them and there has been no contact since the day she died. Marie rang the funeral directors to find out funeral details as i wasn't informed. It has nearly destroyed me over the past week.
Today has been the hardest, and I guess this is my way of saying goodbye to her. She would have liked the idea that there are candles burning for her across the country. Like me, she had suffered long term depression and emotional problems, and had very low self esteem after years of emotional abuse. The dementia was the final cruel twist.
Somehow (god only knows how) I got myself to marie and Neils on Monday, a week after she died, and they are looking after me and helping me to get through each day. Can't think beyond the moment, its just day at a time.
My relationship with my mum was never great but I loved her and tried to do right but my own mental health problems and financial problems meant that I haven't been able to see her much or do much for her over the past few years.
She had a pretty crap life in all honesty, and started showing signs of Alzheimer's at about age 65 but was unable to accept it. She was 73 when she died 10 days ago. I feel its so unfair that she should die so early but the dementia had progressed so rapidly over recent months, that for the past couple of months she had been completely incapacitated, unable to even communicate, and had no quality of life. She would have hated to be so utterly dependent on others and to lose her dignity.
So for her it is a merciful release but for me I've lost my whole family which is why it's especially hard. And I've basically just broken down.
But amongst you are some truly good decent people who are helping me to get through this - bless you all, you probably will never realise just how important that support is at a time when I feel so utterly alone and lost.
So thank you.
Good bye mum. I hope you can see those candles and know that they are burning with love and peace. God bless you xx
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Post by channa on Feb 27, 2015 0:23:36 GMT
As you are aware wvw, a few issues of my own and no candle tbh.......but please be assured thinking of you
Channa
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Post by X on Feb 27, 2015 0:23:49 GMT
The candles are still burning here . We have been there Jess with the family stuff it will get better As time goes by .
Sent from my Nexus 4 using proboards
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Post by Firefox on Feb 27, 2015 1:10:22 GMT
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Post by herbenny on Feb 27, 2015 7:13:08 GMT
Jess so very sorry to hear of your loss.... Sending you big hugs and you are in my thoughts and prayers........
xxx
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Post by campervanannie on Feb 27, 2015 10:15:49 GMT
The candle in our garden is still burning next to Buddha up here in Yorkshire thinking of you at this sad time.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2015 10:22:55 GMT
Thank you, each and every one of you. I know I'm not the easiest person to get on with and your friendship means the world to me. Love to you all. You have helped make the past 24 hours a little easier xxx
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Post by stonedaddy on Feb 27, 2015 17:21:38 GMT
Jess I went to a Catholic funeral today and it was quiet enlightening. Kevin who I have known for over half a century was finely laid to rest at the age of ninety. I did not even know he was a very strong catholic even though he was Irish. He was a very small man in stature but what a little rottweiler he was. He was a very heavy drinker and always in fights. He was an amazing darts player too when he was younger, but these last few years he has been confined to a wheel chair. When he was lowered down I gave you a thought and wandered when your mums funeral was. What a coincidence it was the same day. At the social gathering afterwords I was amazed how upbeat everyone was. I spoke to one of his five daughters Juliana telling her how sorry I was that Kev had gone. She said don't be sorry he lived his life to the full and outlasted mum by 14 years. He would hate anyone to be down beat. Life now starts again and we now start again. I thought what a great attitude, so just remember your mum, make today a closure and make tomorrow the first day of the rest of your life. Like you say you got loads of buddies on the sites, we love you at the meets and I am one of them even though you have bit my arse a few times. We always get over your grumpy bits and always will. So can I wish you a very happy 1st birthday tomorrow. Also a big well done to Marie and Neil for helping you out in your hours of need. .... Tom ....
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Post by billieblue on Feb 27, 2015 17:39:04 GMT
Lovely words Tom xx
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Post by campervanannie on Feb 27, 2015 19:07:27 GMT
Heartfelt youg Tom that's why we love you, wise words for you WVW. XX
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Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2015 19:50:10 GMT
Jess I went to a Catholic funeral today and it was quiet enlightening. Kevin who I have known for over half a century was finely laid to rest at the age of ninety. I did not even know he was a very strong catholic even though he was Irish. He was a very small man in stature but what a little rottweiler he was. He was a very heavy drinker and always in fights. He was an amazing darts player too when he was younger, but these last few years he has been confined to a wheel chair. When he was lowered down I gave you a thought and wandered when your mums funeral was. What a coincidence it was the same day. At the social gathering afterwords I was amazed how upbeat everyone was. I spoke to one of his five daughters Juliana telling her how sorry I was that Kev had gone. She said don't be sorry he lived his life to the full and outlasted mum by 14 years. He would hate anyone to be down beat. Life now starts again and we now start again. I thought what a great attitude, so just remember your mum, make today a closure and make tomorrow the first day of the rest of your life. Like you say you got loads of buddies on the sites, we love you at the meets and I am one of them even though you have bit my arse a few times. We always get over your grumpy bits and always will. So can I wish you a very happy 1st birthday tomorrow. Also a big well done to Marie and Neil for helping you out in your hours of need. .... Tom .... Tom, what can I say? You've got me in tears again, y'owd bugger. But thank you so very much, it is much appreciated. Just to reassure you all that I don't think any of you have known me or seen me when I am not stressed or unhappy which is when I tend to over react or fly off the handle and get upset about stupid things, so hopefully one day when things have settled down and I have moved on from this, you will get to see and spend time with the happy go lucky fun to be with Jess (who hasn't really been around over the past few years). The funeral was actually yesterday, which was a horrendous day for me. Today I have been brighter all day and I do feel a bit like now is the time to start looking forward instead of backwards. And that Marie Snowgoose is a Wonder Woman. I'm going to buy her some red knickers and red high heel boots. Over the past few days she has taken on the Mental Health Team (it has taken 3 full days for them to organise the faxing through of a prescription with 3 items on it to a local chemist) and let them know in no uncertain terms that she expects them to do what they are supposed to do. She has tracked down my mum's solicitor and spoken to him about the will and ensured that I will not be sidelined by my siblings. She has followed up on my entitlement to free prescriptions, free dental treatment and specs etc, and obtained the certificate number which I needed to get the free treatments and I'm booked in for eye test (I lost my specs the day mum died and struggling with my old ones which are 4 years old), and is hoping to get me a dental appointment with her own NHS dentist next week (urgent treatment needed). She's chivvied me (in a nice way) into showering and putting on clean clothes, she's done washing for me, driven up to the chemist 3 times for (elusive) prescriptions, and put up with my cat making herself at home in her house. Neil too has been fantastic, walking the dogs for me, and hosing them down, and cooking fabulous meals every night. They won't hear of me giving them any cash to cover any extra expenses. I have said thank you a hundred times and I don't know how I can possibly ever repay their kindness.
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Post by n brown on Feb 27, 2015 20:00:04 GMT
blimey ! commiserations to Jess and kudos to Marie and Neil in equal amounts it seems ! amazing and gratifying to see people's best sides coming out !
now- about these red knickers and red high heel boots ..... !
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Post by moonshadow on Feb 27, 2015 20:10:21 GMT
Hi Jess, so do feel for you. I appreciate what you have been through with your Mum and are still struggling with. Mine, if you remember also has dementia, it's a dreadful disease. My mother is at end stage too and we expect to lose her in the next couple of weeks. The waiting is dreadful she no longer has capacity for anything. They certainly didn't deserve this. Thinking of you. Sue x
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Post by campervanannie on Feb 27, 2015 21:43:32 GMT
Jess I went to a Catholic funeral today and it was quiet enlightening. Kevin who I have known for over half a century was finely laid to rest at the age of ninety. I did not even know he was a very strong catholic even though he was Irish. He was a very small man in stature but what a little rottweiler he was. He was a very heavy drinker and always in fights. He was an amazing darts player too when he was younger, but these last few years he has been confined to a wheel chair. When he was lowered down I gave you a thought and wandered when your mums funeral was. What a coincidence it was the same day. At the social gathering afterwords I was amazed how upbeat everyone was. I spoke to one of his five daughters Juliana telling her how sorry I was that Kev had gone. She said don't be sorry he lived his life to the full and outlasted mum by 14 years. He would hate anyone to be down beat. Life now starts again and we now start again. I thought what a great attitude, so just remember your mum, make today a closure and make tomorrow the first day of the rest of your life. Like you say you got loads of buddies on the sites, we love you at the meets and I am one of them even though you have bit my arse a few times. We always get over your grumpy bits and always will. So can I wish you a very happy 1st birthday tomorrow. Also a big well done to Marie and Neil for helping you out in your hours of need. .... Tom .... Tom, what can I say? You've got me in tears again, y'owd bugger. But thank you so very much, it is much appreciated. Just to reassure you all that I don't think any of you have known me or seen me when I am not stressed or unhappy which is when I tend to over react or fly off the handle and get upset about stupid things, so hopefully one day when things have settled down and I have moved on from this, you will get to see and spend time with the happy go lucky fun to be with Jess (who hasn't really been around over the past few years). The funeral was actually yesterday, which was a horrendous day for me. Today I have been brighter all day and I do feel a bit like now is the time to start looking forward instead of backwards. And that Marie Snowgoose is a Wonder Woman. I'm going to buy her some red knickers and red high heel boots. Over the past few days she has taken on the Mental Health Team (it has taken 3 full days for them to organise the faxing through of a prescription with 3 items on it to a local chemist) and let them know in no uncertain terms that she expects them to do what they are supposed to do. She has tracked down my mum's solicitor and spoken to him about the will and ensured that I will not be sidelined by my siblings. She has followed up on my entitlement to free prescriptions, free dental treatment and specs etc, and obtained the certificate number which I needed to get the free treatments and I'm booked in for eye test (I lost my specs the day mum died and struggling with my old ones which are 4 years old), and is hoping to get me a dental appointment with her own NHS dentist next week (urgent treatment needed). She's chivvied me (in a nice way) into showering and putting on clean clothes, she's done washing for me, driven up to the chemist 3 times for (elusive) prescriptions, and put up with my cat making herself at home in her house. Neil too has been fantastic, walking the dogs for me, and hosing them down, and cooking fabulous meals every night. They won't hear of me giving them any cash to cover any extra expenses. I have said thank you a hundred times and I don't know how I can possibly ever repay their kindness. That's simple if Marie and Neil will not accept anything in return then you pay it forward, when you come across someone who needs help the kindness shown to you is now passed to them by you helping them and then they do the same and so it rolls on, it's called paying it forward.
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Post by stonedaddy on Feb 27, 2015 22:53:00 GMT
That's simple if Marie and Neil will not accept anything in return then you pay it forward, when you come across someone who needs help the kindness shown to you is now passed to them by you helping them and then they do the same and so it rolls on, it's called paying it forward. Sounds good to me Jess. And if the time comes to pay me forward don't forget to borrow them red nickers and boots off Marie . I just needed to check the makes understand. OMG Marie make sure they stay in the wardrobe or I will fear for Neil's sight . .... Tom ....
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Post by billieblue on Feb 27, 2015 22:58:36 GMT
Group hug!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2015 23:02:52 GMT
Hi Jess, so do feel for you. I appreciate what you have been through with your Mum and are still struggling with. Mine, if you remember also has dementia, it's a dreadful disease. My mother is at end stage too and we expect to lose her in the next couple of weeks. The waiting is dreadful she no longer has capacity for anything. They certainly didn't deserve this. Thinking of you. Sue x Oh Sue, sorry about your sad news too. It's a dreadful dreadful disease, both for the sufferer and their family and carers. And our care system is just not at all able to care for people with the full dignity and respect they deserve, nor are the support systems for family and carers either sufficient or appropriate. The mixed emotions of relief that it's over and grief at the loss and other emotions such as guilt and regret, cause such internal conflict, and it's so hard when you are flitting between one emotion to the other. Plus the anger at the lack of care, and unfairness of life. But I know time will heal and the emotional turmoil will gradually settle. I'm very thankful that after being aware that I was with her and giving her what turned out to be her last meal, my mum went to sleep, snoring loudly just like she used to when she used to fall asleep in front of the tv, making us giggle fondly, and she never really roused from it, and so the end was very peaceful for her. She knew her family were there, of that I'm sure. Sue, I really hope and pray (though I'm not religious) that it's the same for your mum - that she knows you are there, and that she slips away peacefully. I wish you strength to get through the coming weeks and can only advise you what people have advised me - to be kind to yourself, to accept what is, and to know that whatever emotions you feel, that is perfectly normal - everyone grieves in different ways. Sending you hugs xx
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Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2015 23:13:35 GMT
That's simple if Marie and Neil will not accept anything in return then you pay it forward, when you come across someone who needs help the kindness shown to you is now passed to them by you helping them and then they do the same and so it rolls on, it's called paying it forward. I try to do that anyway Annie - I hate seeing people suffering and struggling, and would always try to help in some way. I'm not always sure if or how I can help, but sometimes just a kind word or 2 can make a difference. In my book it's called Karma rather than paying it forward. But it all amounts to the same thing - just do for others what you would have them do for you.
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