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Post by robmac on Dec 20, 2013 7:30:24 GMT
I too spat my coffee out after that first one Chris!
You owe me a keyboard.
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Post by edina on Dec 20, 2013 7:37:44 GMT
I too spat my coffee out after that first one Chris! You owe me a keyboard.Fair nuff ... pink I presume, with or without glitter?
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Post by robmac on Dec 20, 2013 7:40:59 GMT
I too spat my coffee out after that first one Chris! You owe me a keyboard.Fair nuff ... pink I presume, with or without glitter? No! Keys big enuff to it wiv an ammer, and army type camouflage. (don't forget new image). maybe a couple of Rhinestones.
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Post by Oldish Hippy on Dec 20, 2013 7:45:30 GMT
brillant one
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Post by edina on Dec 21, 2013 5:20:26 GMT
Just been to the gym and there's a new machine, only used it for an hour though, because I started to feel sick!
Its really good though - it does absolutely everything....
..KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Twix and Crisps.
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Post by edina on Dec 21, 2013 6:26:27 GMT
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Post by robmac on Dec 21, 2013 6:30:00 GMT
Brilliant!
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Post by edina on Dec 22, 2013 5:20:56 GMT
A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm.
The interviewer looks over his papers and says. "This is phenomenal; you've graduated from the best schools, your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers”.
"Hang on," the man says. "All I need to do is take two aspirins, they stop me winking!"... "Really” says the interviewer? “Great! Show me!"
So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavoured condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.
"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country." "Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!" "Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"
"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"
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Post by edina on Dec 22, 2013 5:26:18 GMT
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Post by robmac on Dec 22, 2013 9:21:43 GMT
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Post by Oldish Hippy on Dec 22, 2013 13:44:14 GMT
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Post by edina on Dec 23, 2013 4:51:08 GMT
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Post by edina on Dec 23, 2013 15:03:02 GMT
An old man walked into a bar and ordered 10 shots of whiskey. The bartender asked, "What's the matter?" The old man said, "I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend."
The next day the old same man came in and ordered 12 shots of whiskey. The bartender asked, "What's wrong this time?" The old man said, "I found out that my son is gay."
The next day the same old man came in the bar and ordered 15 shots of whiskey. Then the bartender asked, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?"
The man looked up and said, "Apparently my wife does."
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Post by gaz on Dec 23, 2013 15:45:29 GMT
Whats long and hard and has cum in it?
a cucumber OF COURSE
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Post by robmac on Dec 23, 2013 15:52:50 GMT
What's pink and hard?
A pig with a flick knife.
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Post by gaz on Dec 23, 2013 15:58:11 GMT
how do you know when you've just past an elephant?
the toilet lid wont go down
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Post by robmac on Dec 23, 2013 15:59:31 GMT
What's pink and wrinkly and angs out yer Y fronts?
yer granny.
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Post by gaz on Dec 23, 2013 16:06:13 GMT
a pretty brunette tells her blonde sister, Ive slept with a brazilian.... the sister replies.. oh my god you slut ...How many is a brazilian
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Post by edina on Dec 24, 2013 6:29:14 GMT
A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him. "I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon. "The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!" "Oh God no!" cries the man "My golfing is over! Please Doc, what's the good news?" "The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm. I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant." "Go for it doc," says the man. "As long as I can play golf again." The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon. "Hi, how's the new arm?" asks the surgeon. "Just great," says the businessman. "I'm playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved." "That's great," said the surgeon. "Not only that," continued the golfer, "my handwriting has improved, I've learned how to sew my own clothes and I've even taken up painting landscapes in watercolours." "Unbelievable!" said the surgeon, "I'm so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side effects?" "Well, just one problem," said the golfer. "Every time I get an erection, I also get a headache."
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Post by Is it spring yet, dormouse? on Dec 24, 2013 12:31:49 GMT
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Post by Is it spring yet, dormouse? on Dec 24, 2013 12:32:07 GMT
Beans, beans the musical fruit, the more you eat the more you toot...
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Post by Heisenberg on Dec 25, 2013 11:37:02 GMT
It was Xmas time, and lil Eddie had a foul mouth really bad, so his parents took him to a psychiatrist to try and get help,... well, after meeting with lil Eddie, Dr. Smith pulled the dad to the side and suggested he replace lil Eddie's Xmas wish list with dog shit instead. On the way home, they stopped at the mall to see Santa and lil Eddie made the following requests(demands); "When i wake up, I want a damned teddy bear nestled in my arms, and when I walk downstairs, I wanna see a fukkin' train track around the tree, and, i want a fukkin' new bike in the god-damned driveway, you fat bastard!!!" So, Xmas morning arrives, and when the boy wakes up, he has a pile of dog shit in his arms, unhappily, he makes his way downstairs to find out that there is no train, just another pile of dog shit with his name on it, begrudgingly, he looks in the driveway and again, no bike, just another pile of dog shit. lil Eddie walks back into the living room and his dad asks him what he got from Santa, to which lil Eddie replies, "I think he brought me a puppy, but i can't find the lil fukker!!!"
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Post by edina on Dec 26, 2013 7:32:58 GMT
During sex you burn as many calories as running 8 kilometres – who the **** runs 8 kilometres in 30 seconds!
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Post by edina on Dec 27, 2013 6:18:12 GMT
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Post by edina on Dec 28, 2013 4:48:03 GMT
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Post by edina on Dec 28, 2013 18:19:29 GMT
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Post by edina on Dec 29, 2013 15:29:26 GMT
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Post by edina on Dec 31, 2013 13:39:51 GMT
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Post by edina on Jan 1, 2014 4:43:24 GMT
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Post by edina on Jan 1, 2014 16:11:23 GMT
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