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Post by robmac on Feb 28, 2015 9:03:18 GMT
Typical of Marie and Neil.
Stay busy Jess, your constant companions (Rigg and Diesel,(not sure what the cat's name is!)) will be of great help to you, there is nothing quite like the loyalty and affection of a dog at a time like this. x
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Post by Is it spring yet, dormouse? on Feb 28, 2015 10:14:38 GMT
blimey ! commiserations to Jess and kudos to Marie and Neil in equal amounts it seems ! amazing and gratifying to see people's best sides coming out ! now- about these red knickers and red high heel boots ..... ! But these are more my style
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Post by Firefox on Feb 28, 2015 11:34:27 GMT
Typical of Marie and Neil. Stay busy Jess, your constant companions (Rigg and Diesel,(not sure what the cat's name is!)) will be of great help to you, there is nothing quite like the loyalty and affection of a dog at a time like this. x Miss Tibby Tabby
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Post by Deleted on Feb 28, 2015 11:53:09 GMT
Typical of Marie and Neil. Stay busy Jess, your constant companions (Rigg and Diesel,(not sure what the cat's name is!)) will be of great help to you, there is nothing quite like the loyalty and affection of a dog at a time like this. x Miss Tibby Tabby AKA Princess Puss, Precious Puss, or That Damn Cat. I've hardly seen her for 48 hours - she has taken over the cat cushion in a warm sunny spot in Marie and Neil's office room where she resides for most of the time. She briefly appears to eat their cats' food, disappears out through cat flap for a while, then returns and convinces Neil that she is starving so that she gets more food, then reclaims the cushion to sleep it off. She takes no notice whatsoever of their cats, who are a bit put out by having this little diva plus 2 big dogs taking over their territory. I wish I had half of her self assurance and ability to put Number 1 first. In the next life I'm coming back at a cat.
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Post by stonedaddy on Mar 2, 2015 23:06:39 GMT
Miss Tibby Tabby AKA Princess Puss, Precious Puss, or That Damn Cat. I wish I had half of her self assurance and ability to put Number 1 first. In the next life I'm coming back at a cat. You come pretty close to it this time round on your off days Miss Jessie James .. .. .... Tom ....
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Post by Deleted on Mar 2, 2015 23:18:41 GMT
Not sure what that means. Just struggling to find any reason to keep going at the moment.
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Post by edina on Mar 3, 2015 7:27:23 GMT
The same reason we all keep going; we're needed and loved by others, be they people or pets. Remember there's always a rainbow after the storm.
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Post by stonedaddy on Mar 3, 2015 10:16:36 GMT
Not sure what that means. Just struggling to find any reason to keep going at the moment. Have you got your name down for the Oyster Catcher in Scotland on the 13th. I am still a maybe but hope to be on it. It looks a great place and will give you time to unwind on the beach with the dogs. You have not bit anybody for a week or two so will give you time to sharpen the teeth and get some practice in on me and Rob and anymore volunteers. No matter what get your name down and enjoy. . .... Tom ....
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Post by lotusanne on Mar 6, 2015 13:33:00 GMT
Only saw this thread this morning Jess, so too late for a candle, so sorry to hear about your mum, it is bad enough losing your mum any time but with all the extra complications of family etc etc for you it must just confuse and compound everything. But I hope you find some comfort from the reaction of your friends on here, some lovely things have been written (yes I mean you Tom!!) and so much care and concern is evident, it really touched me, I am sure you too. And as for marie and neil - well how amazing is that? I know where to head next time I have big troubles!! You can only get through it day by day - but then that's all we have anyway really!! hope you feel a bit better soon and hope to catch u with you some time soon xxx
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2015 15:10:20 GMT
Thanks Anne, and everyone else.
I'm not really in a good state, I'm very up and down, sometimes hour by hour, and can't trust myself not to over react or take things the wrong way so I'm having to steer clear of people because I know from bitter experience, that when I am like this, I do or say things which destroy friendships and telationships. I can't relax when I'm with people, as I'm just too terrified of my emotional reactions over ruling rationality and common sense.
Marie and Neil quite literally saved !y life, and that is not an over statement. I was in a real state when I got there and just wanted everything to stop. I just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up. I still feel like that now at some point most days but its not a constant desperate yearning the way it was.
They fed me, listened to me, talked to me, looked after my animals, and got me through a week when even the mental health services turned their back on me. They made me realise that there are some really good people in the world. I can never repay them for what they both did.
Right now I'm living in cloud cuckoo land, safe from the real world in my metal box on wheels, just getting through each day as best I can. I have no real plan or idea of what to do, or where to go. One minute I am full of grand ideas of making political statements by peaceful protests parking the van outside the HQ of mental health services, the next I am despairing about how I am going to endure another 20 or 30 years of life.
My life was a real mess before all this happened with mum, hardly leaving the house, human contact once a week, of a couple of hours with a support worker who was trying to help me sort out a loaf of admin probs - appealing against benefits being stopped because for the past year or so I wasn't opening my post because I couldn't cope with it, 6 months mortgage arrears and not answering the door in case of bailiffs, trying to get a court order to set aside a ccj for an unfair parking charge, trying to sort out my various bills, debts, direvt debits etc, trying to help myself to get physically and mentally into a place where I could cope a little better. But after months of not eating, not sleeping well, not caring about what I looked or smelled like, I was already ground down. I hadn't had a proper cooked meal since November, just living on any old crap which could be eaten cold or uncooked to give me enough energy to get through each day, and spending the days in bed watching back episodes of NCIS, Game of Thrones etc, to pass the hours. Luckily now that Rigg is elderly, he doesn't need as much exercise as he used to, and although Diesel is a bouncy, energetic dog, he will quite happily spend the days in bed, smuggled up with me.
There has been no contact from mental health services for a week now despite Marie sending them emails asking for advice and support. Of course, I believe this is because they actually want me to kill myself, so that there's one less problem for them, and one less benefit scrounger. I know everyone will say that this is not the case, but I can't find any other reason to explain the total lack of support from people who are legally responsible for my care. I suspect I am (or at least the psychiatrist would say that I am) paranoid, delusional and / or a little psychotic, but this is normal for me, this is my reality. Usually i am strong enough to hide it from people but not at the moment. And yet I can still write articulately and make cognitive decisions. Explain that! How does that work? Wyf is wrong with me?!
Sorry to offload on here, I can write far better than I can talk, I can't really say any of this to other people, but writing it down seems to help me get out the worst of the feelings, and helps me to make a little sense of what's going on in my head.
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Post by Is it spring yet, dormouse? on Mar 8, 2015 9:58:06 GMT
Things will change, Jess, but not necessarily as fast as you want or need. As for mental health services, in Cumbria they appear to be a total joke! Still no response from Jess's team of 'professionals' - Pah! Couldn't organise a p*ss-up in a brewery the lot of them! Keep warm and safe and make sure you EAT something now and then Jess! I will be getting back onto all of them as soon as I psych myself up (and caught up with a few jobs of my own) - christ knows how Jess has managed AT ALL dealing with this useless shower of prize prats!! No wonder she's finding it hard to see a way forward !!! Size 12 kick up the *rs* isn't enough, they need a bloody trident missile! Grrrrrrrrr! Hang on in there, I know for sure some massive changes for the better are coming on down the line to you later this year xxx
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Post by Deleted on Mar 8, 2015 11:33:31 GMT
Thanks Marie, but tbh there's no point in pursuing the mental health team. I have no trust or confidence in them. All this has simply confirmed to me that either they are unfit for purpose or else I am such a bad person that even the services don't want to take me on. Or both.
I don't know how to get through the days. Im counting the days in minutes until 2 or 3 am when if I'm lucky I might fall asleep and have a few hours relief from it all. I don't know where to go or what to do. I'm not far from home but I'm too scared to go back because of what may be in the post. And once I'm back there, I will just sink into non functioning depression without any one even knowing. At least in the van I may not be functioning very well but I am functioning a little.
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